Five of Cups - reversed

Today's card is a new one. 5ofC is about loss, bereavement and sorrow. The only thing I felt the loss of today was time...it just seemed that a whole day of promise and potential slipped though my fingers.

I got a lot accomplished: Holiday gifts made and some even boxed up. Orders ready for my customers, and a package ready to be mailed. Business calls and things. And at the end, I cleaned everything up so that I won't have as much to do next week, before the crop I'm having.

No other sense of loss that I can think of. The day was quiet and fullfilling and domestic. Mindless occupation (Buffy and grinding herbs) kept me busy and distracted. No grief or despair occurred - which may mean some is coming.

I very much liked this story from the Joan Bunning description of the 5ofC:

In a story from Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, the master Hakuin is falsely accused of fathering a child. His reputation in the village is ruined, but he accepts this loss and takes tender care of the child for a year. Suddenly, the real father appears, and Hakuin willingly yields the child to its parents, accepting loss again. We who are not Zen masters may not flow quite so lightly with events, but we can learn from this story. The more we struggle to hold on to what is gone, the more we suffer.

I have definitely been the person to hold on to what is gone with an iron grip. I have, even very recently, mourned friendships years past; I often wish for opportunities to find and be close to friends who are out of my life.

Today wasn't about that though. The day was about my sweet, sweet husband, with whom I spent the whole day. Perhaps the card is warning of the IMPENDING DOOM of his workload. The next few months will be brutal and I will miss his wonderful, warm, kind, helpful presence. I SHOULD be preparing for this: Reminding myself that I can take care of everything and be ultimately supportive of him for as long as it takes for him to be successful at his new company, until their deadlines are met.

I hope that no matter what opportunitites loss brings, that I am fortunate enough to keep all my loved ones safe and close - to not actually lose someone I care about in the near future.