Happy Birthday JN! Happy Birthday, Dad!
Okay, I've just used up all happy I had for the day. I'm in an excruciatingly bad mood today. It came on me all of a sudden. It physically hurts...or else the physically hurting (woke up with swollen lymph nodes and a nasty sore throat) is in a nasty reinforcing cycle with the mood. Both are getting worse and worse by the minute.
I was fine while I was in bed, laughing and joking with my husband, but the downward spiral started as soon as I walked in the door. I'm the receptionist, and I don't want to talk to anybody.
I can count on one hand the number of times before my 32nd birthday when I really DID NOT want to be around people and celebrating. These days though, that seems to be everyday.
Curling up in a ball, in my bed, reading a book sounds ideal. Working on my photos, listening to the radio, sounds delightful. Even couch potatoing with a few episodes of Buffy would be better than my current plan for Christmas Day: Playing games, trying to resist a big, delicious meal and spending time with three other couples...exhausting.
Where did the lively Yvette Go? Maybe I'm just needing to hibernate like a little grizzly bear in order to maintain my sunny disposition. I'd LOVE to go to sleep for a few months and lose half my bodyweight too...but that's probably not an option.
I don't strictly feel depressed - I feel angry. A sort of general, malaise angry about my inability to say no (and mean no). I don't want to turn down invitations and face loneliness on the holiday. I don't want to know my friends are having fun, and that maybe, if I was with them, I'd be having fun too.
Maybe I should've jumped a plane to see my niece. How can you be angry around a cute baby girl...Naw, there would have been LOTS of other things to be angry about there.
What I want most to do is sleep. I'm planning to go home after I'm relived at noon time and do just that.
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