As I was biking to work today I saw something that disturbed me, because I make up stories in my head so quickly. What I saw:
A few hundred yards from the entrance of the high school, pulled over on the side of the road, half in the bike lane, half on the dirt shoulder, a common tan colored minivan. No distinguishing marks excpet the blue and white government license plates.
Approaching the van with a swinging gait, a low-slung jeans, hoodie wearing "teen". Black backpack, white stripes, white shoes - hands in pockets.
Pacing the teen, a few steps ahead and to the right, but looking back to talk, a white man also approaches the van. Brown, casual, zip-front jacket, pulled down over his hips. From beneath the jacket, navy slacks with a wide red stripe down the side. Polished black shoes. Tidy, but not severe haircut.
As I rode by on my bike, I heard the tone of the white man - clearly asking questions.
Here is the "story" my mind made up in a fraction of a second:
Marine recruiter, staking out the high school. Sees a likely candidate in his morning drive-by, pulls over, gets out and walks a little way to meet the young man, show an interest - plant a seed. The kid is early, not late. Walking, not driving to school. Obviously going TO the school, not away from it. Excellent candidate. It is April, and graduation is probably just months away. Prime time to find "cannon fodder" for the military.
I wanted to stop my bike and shout, "Get away from him!"
But I didn't.
Here is the next "story" my mind made up:
Who knows - maybe the kid is a meth dealer; un-prosecuted date rapist. No job prospects. No plans. Get him off the street. Give him someplace to go - some way to contribute...even if it is with his life. Who am I to say that the military isn't a necessary evil. Why shouldn't I agree to send him to keep "me" safe. At least ask him if he is willing to give his life for mine, subvert his anger and youthful violence against whatever enemy the government dictates. I am American, part of the country, a contributing member of the society. He isn't....yet, so why shouldn't he die for both of us?
Both of these stories are extreme - both are deeply disturbing. The reality is completely unknown. It might lie somewhere within my tangled observations. The acknowledged predjudices and beliefs I project onto the situation could be Sherlockian deduction or pure pessimistic, hyperactive imagination.
What is disturbing is to realize that the creativity of the brain is trained, for optimism or pessimism early and often. Imagine the threats, know the enemy so that "they" can be evaded. In that moment I could not stop myself from thinking and feeling all sorts of "the worst". Realizing it, and trying to be truthful about it, is the only way I know to resist being ashamed about those thoughts and feelings.
