"I resolve not to automatically assume that negative feelings are more profound and authentic than positive ones, or that cynical opinions are smarter and more accurate than the optimistic kind."I'm going to try to find the truly believable optimism as it applies to my Sunday, St. Patrick's Day morning:
12 hours after the medicine, the wracking coughing begins.
This means my body is strong - functioning well, and the drugs I'm taking to alleviate my symptoms are being efficiently used and flushed out of my system. I'm grateful for that strength, that functionality.
This cold/flu cannot last. It is probably not Spanish, and I am not small, tragic Lavinia.
Instead, this is my opportunity to read voraciously without guilt or distraction.
It is an opportunity to practice trusting my husband and communicating how best he can help and care for me. Like asking for salty, cheesy grits for breakfast. (OMG, YUM.)
It is an opportunity to cherish each breath - especially when I fear that the deep, healing breathing that will relax and energize me may also lead to the coughing fits. So it is also an opportunity to practice my mindfulness, awareness and "body talk."
"Hey, body. How's is going?"
"Not well."
"Yeah...More artificial help is on the way...the pain will be gone soon...but how can we stretch a little and make the stiffness and soreness go away? How can I help you? How can I keep you strong?"
"Piss off."
"Oh, come on."
"EVERYTHING HURTS, ASSHOLE."
"Everything?"
"Pretty much, yeah - everything."
"But it will hurt less in a little while, we just have to get the drugs in our bloodstream."
"I can't wait..."
"Sure you can! Don't give up! Think about how much we have to see and do together! We have to get strong, and be ready for the ride in a couple of months."
"Yeah, about that - It is one thing to be pushing all this extra hiking and cycling and spinning on me, but it is something else to pair that with all these extra fear and stress hormones. Can you try to cut those out?"
"I will try."
"Good. And another thing, you know where we got this flu bug dontcha? I bet good money on the YMCA. Lots of people, lots of kids, and lots of people with lots of kids. Germ factories! Wipe down the bicycle before and AFTER we use it for spin class, and get some hand wipes."
"Okay, I will do that too. What else? How can I help?"
"Careful! Yeah, okay. We can breathe. And stretch some. And lie back down. And wait for the drugs to kick in."
"Yeah, let's do that together."
