The Emperor - Reversed

I feel pretty blase today. I sat in my car for 15 minutes after I arrived at work. Even though it made me technically 'late,' I could not handle getting out and going in. It was easier to be in the warmth, passively listening to the news. After I sat at my desk and realized I had no sense of urgency for any of my overwhelming pile of mind-numbing data collection and analysis tasks, I wondered what this had to do with The Emperor - reversed or not:

The Emperor represents structure, order and regulation - forces to balance the free-flowing, lavish abundance of the Empress. He advocates a four-square world where trains are on time, games are played by rules, and commanding officers are respected. In chaotic situations, the Emperor can indicate the need for organization. Loose ends should be tied up, and wayward elements, harnessed. In situations that are already over-controlled, he suggests the confining effect of those constraints.

Hmmm. Well, it seems that the card is reinforcing my tasks for the day:
1) Complete documenting the data
2) Review and start summarising
3) Analyze and understand
4) Draw conclusions

In my home life, I'm also sad and floundering about the HOW and WHY of the things I would like to have happen. It is the holiday season, and we are not traveling or being with family. I'm happy about this, as my family most often makes me crazy...on the other hand, I don't get the advantage of having a Christmas tree without the labor of putting it up myself - or a Christmas Dinner without some research in The Joy of Cooking.

We have the opportunity to be with friends, but I am somehow loathe to commit to the environment. Not feeling very friendly I suppose. I want to be with a different set of people - the ones that I am far from - instead of those close by. Those who (at the moment) I sense truly love and appreciate me - not the ones who live a few blocks away and never call.

I want a Christmas Tree, and presents, and decorations in my house. In general I'm fighting a 'move and change everything!' nesting vibe that has hit me rather suddenly.

All this chaos in my head makes me feel tired despite a good solid night of dreamy sleep. Makes me feel lonely despite the warm, laughing love of my husband. I feel mired, and I suppose The Emperor is telling me (like my own superego) to suck it up; Get organized, so that the energy can flow naturally instead of sinking...and taking me emotionally down with it.