Two of Swords - Reversed

Does it occur to any of you theoretical readers that my cards are almost REFLECTING issues I am coping with, versus "predicting" them or even giving insight into daily commentary on them? Chicken and egg, I know, but interesting how I create associations with things that have happened; Things I have mused on recently; I continue to pull cards which seem related...because well, my brain content and awareness haven't changed!

The keywords for this card are: Blocked Emotions, Avoidance, Stalemate
I'd like to point out that I'm using my Learning Tarot text by Joan Bunning to find all this stuff. I HIGHLY recommend it! You can use her online version here: www.learntarot.com

When the Two of Swords card showed up, upside down, it felt very strange. Some of the cards are pictured in such a way that the image feels balanced upside-down or right side up - not this card!

When I turned it over this morning I had a very strong, recoiling reaction to it. Mentally I kicked in quickly with the self-reassuring knowledge that this only means the power/effect/influence is lessened, but I have no idea why the recoil was so strong. Visually it is not a "feel good" card - solitary figure, blindfolded, defending herself with nothing solid at her back - only water. Not a positive image.

The key phrases that speak immediately to my life include, "keeping another at arm's length," "staying stuck," and "choosing not to know." All of these phrases apply to some aspect of my life right now.

I can see how I have been working on the issue of pushing aside those who enjoy my creative energies. They offer praise and affection in order to share their enjoyment and gratitude. and my instinct is to keep a distance from those people - keep them at arms length (at least).

I may also be failing to take on the fear of knowing how not changing jobs / career / responsibilities is effecting me. Or choosing not to be in therapy right now for the effects the early abuse has had on me as an adult. Or choosing not to know about something else I haven't identified yet :)

Maintaining several of my relationships feels like being "stuck" right now. In this category I'm including my home business relationships - instead of getting unstuck and developing better ways to serve my clients, I'm neglecting them because I fear rejection. I COULD be finding ways to move them along to new places - the fact that I am not expending energy there could also be part of the message of this card.

The desire to act and the desire to be passive are so constantly at war within me. I delight in poking and prodding and lighting fires under myself and other "stuck" people. I also want to just relax, and BE, and soothe myself. Take a step back and let the routine become easy (or at least routine!).

These inner conflicts are a daily challenge for me. They cause anxiety and stress and I often ignore the symptoms, or medicate with food and work (real or imagined). How to crack the tendency to see these desires in opposition - something I fight with mental daggers (or swords) is as yet unclear. Perhaps tomorrow's card will have a possible resource or solution...