As a result I'm feeling very exhausted - not "tired" exactly, but more like I could simply fall asleep without a moment's notice. In response, I frantically started organizing the piles on my desk: What is THIS? What is THAT? What am I forgetting? What is pending? Whatwhatwhatwhat....
I'm sure it doesn't help that last night my cockatoo work up in the middle of the night twice...and then again this morning about a half-hour before the alarm was going to go off anyway. Not good sleep, as I was prowling my full moonlit house at 2am looking for trouble.
Is there an animal in the yard making noise? Did we leave the garage door open? (The light in the garage was, in fact, on). Is it that moonbeam lancing through the slight curtain gap; slicing through his peaceful birdie-sleep? Is it just his raging teenage birdie hormones, and the fact that he has not been out to run amok as often as he'd like lately? The experince of being covered with a towel and placed back in his cage when he decides he won't go in voluntarily? Perhaps the cage cleaning and fresh-box? Not enough birdie food? Water? Too much sweet yellow corn? The fact that I left the travel cage out in the room for him to ponder / get used to? A lack of something in his diet? Too much of something in his diet? What on earth gives him those horrible, screaching birdie nightmares...? I wish he could talk (like me).
Instead of simply fighting the sleepiness with frantic busywork, I decided to write. I'm trying to "trust my tools" and manage my sense of well-being by doing the things that center and ground me when I feel off-kilter. Writing is so grounding...even boring, plain, ungrammatical, writing of no interest whatsoever to anyone but me...is relaxing...beautiful...useful....productive...because I'm ferreting out my own thoughts and feelings and morphing them into words, words, words....
Words allow me to try and discover why I want to get some BREAD or SWEET and munch, munch, munch. That impulse is solidly about worry and boredom and what if: What if I'm this bored because there is nothing to do and I am going to lose my job? What if I HAVE to do the things I don't like? What if, whatif...
I started a book last night recommended by some friends. It is interesting, but I'm not "caught up" yet. Tarot cards are a central theme / plot element and make me wonder whether I should try to go back to doing my card pull each day. I SO enjoyed it...but stopped - probably because I can't let it be "okay" that I don't write about each card each day. I despise and disown "sporadic," and yet, that word describes me to a "T." As my Nohari Window Validates:
Arena(known to self and others) intolerant, insecure, needy, chaotic | Blind Spot(known only to others) inflexible, selfish, unhappy, cynical, irrational, distant, boastful, impatient, panicky, insensitive, smug, overdramatic, inattentive |
Façade(known only to self) loud, callous | Unknown(known to nobody) incompetent, timid, cowardly, violent, aloof, glum, stupid, simple, irresponsible, vulgar, lethargic, withdrawn, hostile, unhelpful, unimaginative, inane, brash, cruel, ignorant, childish, blasé, imperceptive, weak, embarrassed, vacuous, unethical, self-satisfied, passive, rash, dispassionate, dull, predictable, unreliable, cold, foolish, humourless |
Dominant Traits
55% of people agree that YvetteK is intolerant
55% of people think that YvetteK is inflexible
55% of people agree that YvetteK is chaotic
66% of people think that YvetteK is overdramatic
All Percentages
incompetent (0%) intolerant (55%) inflexible (55%) timid (0%) cowardly (0%) violent (0%) aloof (0%) glum (0%) stupid (0%) simple (0%) insecure (11%) irresponsible (0%) vulgar (0%) lethargic (0%) withdrawn (0%) hostile (0%) selfish (33%) unhappy (11%) unhelpful (0%) cynical (33%) needy (44%) unimaginative (0%) inane (0%) brash (0%) cruel (0%) ignorant (0%) irrational (11%) distant (11%) childish (0%) boastful (11%) blasé (0%) imperceptive (0%) chaotic (55%) impatient (44%) weak (0%) embarrassed (0%) loud (0%) vacuous (0%) panicky (22%) unethical (0%) insensitive (33%) self-satisfied (0%) passive (0%) smug (11%) rash (0%) dispassionate (0%) overdramatic (66%) dull (0%) predictable (0%) callous (0%) inattentive (11%) unreliable (0%) cold (0%) foolish (0%) humourless (0%)
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