Often the
most difficult part of achieving your dreams is staying on track. Writing actions
down, getting specific, and shouting them out loud may be half the battle, but
then there’s that other 50%.
Asking for accountability, support, and
cheerleading is hard for a lot of us. It requires trust, commitment, and
equality. Giving support can also be
risky. Many people fear being sucked in, having someone be dependent on them,
or giving too much and burning out.
The best
answer for overcoming these very real challenges to supporting each other is to
have a clear agreement about what the ABB relationship looks
like. Because your new buddy is a fresh relationship with no interpersonal
baggage (yet), it is an amazing opportunity to practice communication and an
idea called Clear Agreements.
Creating
a Clear Agreement is such a simple process that it feels embarrassing to write
it down; just determine: What, When, How?
(Why is optional) Simple, right? Obvious, right? Duh, right? Turns out not
so much. Taking the time to stop and do this early and often in new
relationships is uncommon. It may also be more difficult than you might think,
because while the shiny new relationship doesn’t have any baggage yet, you, my
friend, almost certainly do.
The good
news is that answering the questions below and practicing setting clear
agreements will not only help you have a solid and dependable accountabilibuddy,
but it might improve your other relationships as well. Here are some questions
you can use to prepare for a strong, mutually beneficial “accountabilibuddy”
relationship:
1) Consider past experiences
where you felt supported. Have you had a great boss, a team coach, a parent, a
teacher that challenged and encouraged you? List specific actions or key words
that person used to motivate you:
2) Based
on your Goal and Action Plan, what does ideal support look like? What actions would you like an accountabilibuddy to take
that will help you stay motivated and move forward in your goals (especially in
the face of adversity)? Examples: email,
phone call, meeting, walk.
3) When
and how frequently would you want a buddy to hold you accountable? Daily?
Weekly? Bi-Weekly? Monthly? Be as specific as possible about your ideal
support.
4) How
do you want to work with your accountabilibuddies? Phone? Email? Text?
In-person? Over coffee? While exercising? In a coffee shop? At your home? Be as
specific as possible about your ideal support.
5) Review the What, When, How items
you’ve captured. Are you willing to provide some of these to someone else? Do
they seem like a lot to ask? Write down any support you want, but feel like you
might not be able to provide yourself.
The Clear Agreement I want to ask
for is ___________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
One thing I will do to practice
asking for support is ___________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
The hardest part of the
ABB relationship for me is ___________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
- Start by telling everyone how excited you are about your goal! Once they know what it is, they may know someone on a similar path or even someone who had "been there" and may be available to mentor you.
- Checkout Meetup.com for local groups that meet to support realizing the type of goal you are pursuing.
- Hire a coach. Sometimes you want to rely on a professional. This can be especially useful if you aren't interested in a mutual accountabilibuddy agreement. Coaches will help you create a clear agreement, support you, and in return you'll pay them. Voilà! The relationship stays in balance. [Yes, feel free to hire me if you really want to! www.mesasteps.com]
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