Low Energy Safety Crisis

This title is 100% drama queen. Who the hell am I kidding...this BLOG is 100% drama queen. harumph. I often wonder if it would be a better use of my time to read "real" blogs by "real" writers instead of just blabbing out my own crud.

Naw. At least equally as useful as someone else's crud blabbing.

So, why am I so low energy, upset, downtrodden, depressed, sad, angry and scared wobbly? Packages (as far as I can tell, 3 to date) are dissappearing from my house. Amazon seems to confirm that the UPS guy is leaving them, but they are NOT getting to me.

Now, I should not be surprised, and I should be able to think about this clearly - after all 2 out of 3 of my neighbors have had their homes broken into and robbed. Why shouldn't the thieves casing my neighborhood notice that the UPS guy drops off around 1PM, and no one comes home until after 5PM?

The eerie part is that the stuff is SO LAME. Not worth stealing. Funny pictures of my husband and I dressed as clowns from a Halloween Sears photo shoot. A book about trivia intended as a gift for a friend, for Christmas. Lame. Not even sellable for drug money. But someone else has them. That creeps me out. Maybe they are putting them into my photo album (which they also stole).

I'm angry, and upset...not because I don't have "my stuff" (someday when I'm good and belligerant I'll find receipts, call up vendors and complain bitterly, and probably get my stuff replaced -though not in time for Christmas, I'm sure) but because I feel like a VICTIM.

Now I've BEEN a victim. I was molested as a child by a sometime caregiver-adult, and it is NOT GOOD to be at the mercy of someone else and feel like you have no control.

My denial coping mechanisms are pretty awesome...I even manage to forget for weeks at a time that I live in an evidenced, unsafe neighborhood. But each time something criminal happens, my brand new car being robbed in my driveway, the neighbor's kids having their toys stolen, etc., I get this horrible freak-out emotional saddness and overload and I feel sick.

My husband says I'm "panicky," but you know, I think it is perfectly NORMAL.