My S.M.A.R.T. Goal Example for 2016

As you're about to read, writing is one of my biggest "new" goals for 2016.

In my life as a corporate trainer, coach, and project manager, it has been my privilege to help other people create and stick to S.M.A.R.T. goals.

I know. Everyone is groaning and closing their browser on my blog post right now. Especially anyone who has ever been a manager. But I truly find S.M.A.R.T. goals useful. I offered to write up what the acronym means and an example of how to use it for my local women writers group, and I'm re-purposing that offer as a blog post.

What you will also see below is my personal example of goal setting for 2016. Because that is text-heavy and Bo-RING, I'm going to capture images from a new tool that I was invited to use by one of my writing and costuming heroes, Mary Robinette Kowal. If Mary says something helps her, I give it a go, and this year that means Habitica.com.

This isn't a plug for the app, but I can say that where I personally have always fallen down on using S.M.A.R.T. goals is in the iteration and CONSTANT VIGILANCE required to achieve them. I'm now using Habitica for that, and so far, I love it.

I also offered to write a bit about ways to ask for and offer support, to what one of my groups is calling "accountabilibuddies." It rolls off the tongue like supercalifragilisticexpealidocious, but is a noun, not an adjective or an exclamation. Watch for that as a followup tomorrow.

SMART Goals

S = Specific

M = Measurable

A = Accountable

R = Realistic

T = Time phased

The reason to break goals down into a short paragraph that addresses each of these criteria is to ensure that goals aren’t too big and impossible, nor too small and insignificant. Just like a novel, an article, or a story, to set successful goals, first we do our pre-work.

For example, my general goal might have started out as “Do more blogging and get published.” That’s nice. Nice Goal. Hey...Back...Stay Back...NICE GOAL...GOOD GOAL…OMG IT’S GOING TO FALL ON ME, HELP!!!!

This is what happens to big, non-specific goals. THEY CRUSH YOU.

So ask your 5 Ws + 1 H, and then add your sensory/somatic questions: Who, Why, What, When, Where, How, See, Smell, Taste, Touch, Hear

Who - I WILL blog more and get published. I will need the SUPPORT of my husband, a writing group, an editor, my friends. All of these people are a part of whether or not I reach my goal.

Why - This goal is important to me because the career of writer appeals to me. [If I was my coach, I would make me expound on this. Trust me I have elsewhere]

What - Blogging means public posts that anyone with internet access can see. Being published means someone read something I have written and paid me (anything) to use it in a publication.

When - In 2016

Where - N/A (It is ok to skip things that don’t seem relevant. All the questions will not apply to every goal)

How -  By writing every day and participating in writing groups.

See - When I achieve my publication goal(s) I will see an acceptance email and a contract. Then see my writing online or in print in an uneditable format. Not my blog; Can’t go back and edit ink on paper. When I achieve the blogging goals, I will see more entries in 2016 than I had in 2015.

Smell - N/A, but get more creative than I did here and TRY to come up with a sensory outcome for your goals.

Taste - I will taste the special victory dinner out that will be my reward for a first publication and at every 50 blog posts. I will ask my friend Emily to make me her special cinnamon chocolate cake to celebrate my first $1000. in writing sales.

Touch - The feel of flipping pages in a magazine to see something I have written will FEEL like victory!

Hear - I will hear pieces as I read them out loud prior to submitting them. I will hear my husband say “I’m so proud of you!” and read congratulatory messages from my writer friends.

I’ve taken some time to think about all things that might apply to my goal. Now we can put them into the SMART format. Let’s look at each aspect of the acronym:

S - Specific

From “do more blogging and get published” I already have more specific ACTIONS I will take to reach the big goal:

I will write every day.

I will join a writing group.

I will write blogs and stories/articles.

I will submit to journals and magazines.

Now, as I move on to the next letter, I keep challenging myself with more questions.

M - Measurable

For each action toward the goal, ask, “How will you measure this?”

I will write every day. (When? Where? How many Words? How much time? How many publications?)

I will join a writing group. (How will you find one? How will you measure that you are in one?)

I will write blogs and stories/articles. (Where will you keep your list of ideas for your writing? How often will you do prompt writing, read other blogs, or find fodder for what you want to write?)

I will submit to journals and magazines. (How will you find markets for your work?)

Now the Actions have become:

I will write every day: New content, including my warm up, morning pages, prompts, and tarot in the morning when I’m ‘dreamy,’ and edit existing content when I’m fully awake.

I will join a writing group at Meetup.com, MRK FB Group, and meet local writers via participating in NaNoWriMo.

I will write blogs and stories/articles beginning with the backlog of incomplete stories and travel from 2013 - 2015. The list of drafts is in a Writing folder on my laptop and ready to submit stories will be kept in DuoTrope, where I will track my submissions.

I will submit to journals and magazines that I find using DuoTrope, Freedom With Writing and FB groups that alert about writing contests.

A - Accountable

For each action toward the goal, ask, “How will you be accountable for this?”

Now the Actions are:

I will write every day: New content, including my warm up, morning pages, prompts, and tarot in the morning when I’m ‘dreamy,’ and edit existing content when I’m fully awake. I am accountable to myself, but I will also track whether or not I wrote using Habitica.com and have many journal entries as evidence.

I will join a writing group at Meetup.com, MRK FB Group, and meet Local writers via NaNoWriMo, and find an accountabilibuddy to externally motivate me.

I will write blogs and stories/articles beginning with the backlog of incomplete stories and travel from 2013 - 2015. The list of drafts is in a Writing folder on my laptop and ready to submit stories will be kept in DuoTrope, where I will track my submissions. I will track via habitica.com and my accountabilibuddy.

I will submit to journals and magazines that I find using DuoTrope, Freedom With Writing and FB groups that alert about writing contests. I will track via habitica.com and my accountabilibuddy.

As I mentioned at the start, this is my weakest area of every S.M.A.R.T. goal I've ever made. 

Enter Habitica! 

What I find very useful is the way Habitica categorizes things as "Dailies" "Habits" and "To-Dos." Joining a writing group is a To-Do because I only do it once. On the other hand, submission might only happen one time, but it involves steps, and Habitica lets me break them out into a checklist:

Writing a certain amount every day is an ongoing habit. Every day I do better, or worse, so habits have +/-. Habitica lets me log wordcounts, which will differ from day-to-day:

But writing EVERY day is a Daily - I lose life-force points if I don't do at LEAST my morning pages:

If you're motivated by checking things off of lists and you need a place to keep ALL the things you need to do, gamifying your life might be a fun thing to try for 2016.

R - Realistic

For each action toward the goal, ask, “Is this Realistic? What could PREVENT this action from happening?”

Problem solve any challenges. Now the Actions are:

[EVERY day? Really?! What about Vacation? Weddings? Funerals? When you’re sick?] I will plan to write every day, but have compassion and forgiveness for myself if it doesn’t happen. If I am really excited about an existing piece, or on a deadline, I give myself permission to prioritize my writing each day. Generally following the pattern of new content, including my warm up, morning pages, prompts, and tarot in the morning when I’m ‘dreamy,’ and editing existing content when I’m fully awake, are the actions I will take to meet my goal. I am accountable to myself, but I will also track whether or not I wrote using Habitica.com and have many journal entries as evidence.

[What if your group breaks up? What if your group hates what you write?] I will join a writing group at Meetup.com, MRK FB Group, and meet local writers via NaNoWriMo, and find an accountabilibuddy to externally motivate me. I will work with people who inspire and support me and I will leave the group if it is hindering my goal instead of helping.

[You have too many stories to work on! What if you get writer’s block? What if all your stories suck? How will you pick?] I will write blogs and stories/articles beginning with the backlog of incomplete stories and travel from 2013 - 2015. I will pick a market FIRST, and then look through my stories that seem to meet the needs of a contest or publication. The list of drafts is in a Writing folder on my laptop and ready to submit stories will be kept in DuoTrope, where I will track my submissions. I will track via Habitica.com and my accountabilibuddy.

[What if you only get rejections for everything you submit?] SUBMISSION COUNTS. BLOG POSTS COUNT. Because the core of the goal is “more” I only have to beat my own prior year record (49/0 respectively). Two items per month feels realistic. I will submit to journals and magazines that I find using DuoTrope, Freedom With Writing and FB groups that alert about writing contests.  I will track via Habitica.com and my accountabilibuddy.

T - Time Phased

For each action toward the goal, ask, “When will you do this? BY WHEN will this be complete?”

Now the Actions are:

I will plan to write every day, but have compassion and forgiveness for myself if it doesn’t happen. If I am really excited about an existing piece, or on a deadline, I give myself permission to prioritize my writing each day. I will generally follow the pattern of new content, including my warm up, morning pages, prompts, and tarot in the morning when I’m ‘dreamy’ from 7-8AM (7hrs/wk), which I will put on my Google Calendar and make a Habit for in Habitica. Editing existing content will happen when I’m fully awake, Tue - Fri, 10AM - noon (8hrs/wk), which I will put on my Google Calendar and make a Habit for in Habitica. I am accountable to myself, but I will also track whether or not I wrote using Habitica.com and have journal entries and submissions as evidence.

Before January 1, 2016, I will join a writing group at Meetup.com, MRK FB Group, and meet Local writers via NaNoWriMo, and find an accountabilibuddy to externally motivate me. I will work with people who inspire and support me and I will leave the group if it is hindering my goal instead of helping.

I will write blogs and stories/articles beginning with the backlog of incomplete stories and travel from 2013 - 2015. I will pick a market FIRST, and then look through my stories that seem to meet the needs of a contest or publication. The list of drafts is in a Writing folder on my laptop and ready to submit stories will be kept in DuoTrope, where I will track my submissions. I will track Market Research, Story Editing/Critique, and all the habits via Habitica.com and my accountabilibuddy.

By the 15th and 30th of each month I will have updated my blog and DuoTrope.com. Submissions all count, and blog posts count.  Because the core of the goal is “more” I only have to beat my own prior year record (49/0 respectively). Two items per month feels realistic. I will submit to journals and magazines that I find using DuoTrope, Freedom With Writing and FB groups that alert about writing contests.  I will track via habitica and my accountabilibuddy.

If you happen to ask me what my writing goals are for 2016, will I read you this 1500+ words of exposition? No. Way. Besides there are whole other chunks of write-ins and time listening to Writing Excuses that aren't even included in here. But from the work I’ve done, I have my elevator pitch which is specific, measurable, accountable, realistic, and time phased:

I will work on writing for at least 15 hours a week, and complete 2 finished pieces of writing each month. Blog entries or submissions to paid markets both count towards my goal.

And if anyone asks, I can expand on questions like…

How are you going to do that?

Where will you get your ideas?

What tools will you use?

...because I’ve REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT!!

Synopsis for my NaNoWriMo novel - Maybe.

I promise nothing, but this MIGHT be a synopsis that will have something to do with whatever I end up writing this month. 

After a year full of the deaths of friends and family, Janette was tired, emotionally hollowed out, and in need of closure. Or Fun. Or Both. So when her pagan friend Allie invited her to a Wiccan "ritual" with costumes, dancing, and an introduction to a hot guy she wanted to meet, it seemed like a good alternative to a night alone handing out (scarfing down) Halloween candy. As it turned out, Janette's dead were not as ready as she was to say farewell.Now on the wrong side of the veil between the worlds, Janette has to navigate across the Isle du Mort, making peace with "beloved dead" who want to weigh her down with rummicube rules, very odd favors, and midlife crisis advice. If she can make peace with every dead person she has ever known - and FAST - she might make it back to the world of the living in time for her date.

Jump from a good platform

high dive, 60's, a photo by Jimmy's Classic Drive-in on Flickr.

I only jumped from a very-high-dive platform once. I have no memory of where, or why or how anyone talked me into it, but I remember doing it.

I also remember wanting desperately NOT TO.

During the olympics I sometimes catch the diving, and although I admire the sport, watching it requires me to actively quiet a visceral cringing. It feels like every internal organ I've got is sandwiched between a convulsing spinal column and the shriveling of every skin cell covering my body. It is a recoil against height from the inside and out.

So now that I've decided to "leap into" writing more publicly, and chosen to do it from the tall, supportive backs of persons I know and admire, utilizing the very tall platforms of OTHER folks I know and admire...I'm having that moment where I'm high up in the air, and I know SOMETHING will go wrong.

My writing will be truncated. My intended message will fall flat. I'll write too much, or not enough. I'll look like an idiot...or worse, panic and take someone down with me into a fatal bellyflop.

So, I'm visualizing the climb, the foot-thick, solid, stable, grainy concrete platform, my toes are off the edge, and I'm just telling myself over and over, "It's just water."

Because some of you asked about the interview-that-won't-lead-to-an-offer, I thought I would share the crux of the mis-match:

Now that some firms are hiring again, the best way to approach the job market is by asking yourself: "Where do I want to be five to 10 years from now, and how do I get there?" - Paul Bernard
4 Tips for Getting Hired in the Improving Job Market

I always do this exercise prior to job interviews.  Unlike my husband, for example, who has a finely honed development skill that he applies to many different companies, products, types of software, I have a toolbox of different skill-sets that can be applied to a variety of job types. He tells me lovingly it makes me an excellent commodity in the job market. However, it does mean I have to define and manage my career with an eye towards the long term. Mere employ-ability does not a rewarding career make.

If I don't manage my positions carefully, I risk ending up doing work I am good at, but that does not excite me. Because I have experience and skills in many areas, choosing the wrong position means unhappy employers or clients, and more frequent job changes.  Because I am a people-person, I enjoy developing and maintaining relationships for the long term.

As I try to broaden my ability to be "A Consultant," at a minimum that means acquiring clients and providing excellent services.  That would be hard with a long-term, full-time job.  I suspect the two are mutually exclusive for me, since I really like my evenings and weekends. I believe it would be especially hard with a full time job because of the work style and culture.

During the interview I was asked to describe why the position was a good fit for my career path.
Uh-Oh. I had spent about a week, trying to answer this question.  And my answer had a lot of "IFs":

• IF it is only two years...
• IF it is just this one, interesting project...
• IF it allows me to be a part of a specific community...

You see, one reason I jumped at the position was because it was posted as a two-year contract.  A longer contract than I perhaps wanted, but a good, steady position with very interesting work.  So when they asked, I said it was a good match because:

• The work was interesting
• The goals were aligned with my values
• I Love UC (Alumna, after all)
• The contract is two years

I thought it would be seen as a BENEFIT to them, to find someone who really did want exactly what they were offering: A temporary position. BAD ASSUMPTION.
In reality, they clarified, they hope to make the position permanent.

So that is it.  I applied for a position that was explicitly two-years and project based...which is not what they actually want. It will be interesting to see how this plays out, because in all other ways, I am a Lego fit for their criteria (they can just snap me into every aspect of what they need to build) .

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Not Ready To Leave...

...my hotel room. After a few days here, I'm nice and safe; I found a radio station I can deal with, I have lots of clean towels, and the bed finally holds the impression of my frame enough that I slept the whole night through.

But it is almost time to go, and really I'm just stalling because if I'm not sitting here, then I'm sitting in the airport. Much less interesting. Although there are people there, and I'd be doing the same things (well, not blogging, as there's no guarantee of internet access).

But I *would* in fact be reading (most of what I've been doing this morning). Enjoying another great new book, Wit's End, by Karen Joy Fowler, whose Jane Austen Book Club I enjoyed so much. Wit's is also great...so compelling, that I had to tear myself away to get my teeth brushed and the last few little things packed. I'm quite grateful I didn't start it until the end of my trip - I would certainly not have been as on-my-game for work if I was constantly sneaking out for a 5 minute read-break...

Should I admit I do that sometimes? When the book is truly as well-written and engrossing as this one is? Well, this book is also conducive to that: Lots of short segments, so it is easy to set down and pick up. But I don't want to.

Really the reason I wanted to blog today was that I had other confessions to make. I did a truly, consciously anti-social thing: I put a half hamburger bun in the toaster at my hotel kitchenette...and it already had ketchup and mustard on it. There's no chance the condiment-side wouldn't touch the coils. Anyone staying in this room in the future is going to get just a little spice to their toast.

I thought about this before I did it, and I TOLD myself it was anti-social, unfair to the next person...but for all I know, someone has done the same thing before me, and I was getting a little bit of who-knows-what on the top side of my bun. In my head it is the same conversation I have when deciding whether or not to report the fairly serious trickle from the bathtub to the hotel owners. Well, I haven't done that yet, but I WILL let them know as I leave - a decidedly unnecessary waste of water. I didn't shower each day I was here, so maybe that makes up for it.

Nearly everything is packed, the suitcases are MUCH lighter, because I was good, and I ate most of the food I brought with me, and stuck primarily to my diet. I have been awake for hours because unfortunately, I awoke to one of those you-want-to-be-completely-organized-but-you-know-that-you're-not
mini-panic moments, and I thought that maybe I had my flight time wrong - YIKES!

But no, I got up and double checked; And double-checked...and couldn't really go back to sleep. It is going to make being on CA time especially hard, I know, but oh well. Time to post, close up the computer and go. And who knows - maybe there WILL be wireless at the airport...?

Reader / Writer?

I feel like I've heard it said before, but I'm NOT going to waste any of my 12 writing minutes, and 3 editing minutes (trying to be regimented about this) looking up who and how many and when they might have said something like: Readers are Writers. I think that is true.

If you don't love words, why pick up a book, let alone spend time instead of earning money, doing something that is highly unlikely to contribute to anything except personal fulfillment (can you tell I'm feeling unemployed right now?).

I HAD to write today, my "unemployed" goal is to write for 15-30 minutes, minimum each day...but I wasn't "good" about it. I didn't get up and make time and space for my writing. Instead, I "wasted" several hours this morning the way I wasted several last night: Getting through and amazing, wonderful new book: Ysabel by Guy Gavriel Kay (I'm not wasting time making this a link now, but might later...see this is REAL stream of conscious, wordvomit).

I won't say why exactly it was so amazingly wonderful to me, except to say K.M. will know, because he was there. How very Kaylike of me. The fact remains that there is truly NOTHING...No Thing...in the universe similar in any way to a good book. Today (and it may be different tomorrow), that is because books can include all the best, the worst, the darkest and the brightest things in the whole world, wrapped into words, and they are real to those with imagination...and you get to close the cover. You can get distance or deep intimacy as you like, wholly under your control. Man, I love books.

Books are filled with people to love and hate and, when the writer is incredible, like this one, those people can seem more real than the corporeal folks occupying the seats on either side of you.

Juxtapose my deep elation with another piece of data: There are LOTS of people out there who read the end of books first. SACRILIDGE! (in my humble opinion, of course) NPR was just doing a whole hour talking to a writer and these people who can't take the suspense of working through the whole book to allow the ending to be as big, incredible and deeply affecting as it can be...I guess they aren't reading for the emotional thrills...wonder why they bother?

And a third thing: I know my husband, and other friends who skip the "flowery" language. My husband says he can flip to anyplace in book and tell fairly quickly if it is "literary" or not by the ratio of words and description to the action. I don't need action at all. I need depth, images, and words, words, word...Anne Rice is on my team - which team are you on...?

Saying Goodbye is Hard to Do...

For later, when I am truly depressed and tired from the sheer volume of work it will take to be a contractor...it will be important to remember these words:

Thank you for all you did to make the Internal Audit Training easier for the auditors to understand and follow. I greatly appreciate your support and assistance in the ISO 9001:2000 Quality System during your stay at Westcor!!!!
Best of luck to you on your new ENDEAVORS!!!!
MW

Yo Yvette, sorry I didn’t make it to your going away luncheon. I had left early yesterday and came in late today due to what I think was a stomach virus or something of that nature. And Mexican food would had been the last thing I’d want to eat today. NO, make that Indian food. Anyway, so I guess I’ll say goodbye to you on Friday. It was nice working with you. And you are a very pleasant person to work with. Good luck to you and your next beginning. Ciao bella -MT

I will truly miss you Yvette, You are definitely A cut above the average!! -DF

Best to you Yvette...Thanks for all your support, input and encouragement over the years. -DA
and
Yvette’s done some great things for WC and many of us individually. For anyone who’d like to share his/her gratitude and goodwill, there will be a going-away lunch on Tuesday, 6/26 at noon.

CourAHGE....?

I feel so supported and loved. Thank you to all the amazing people who have supported me LEAVING MY CRAPTACULAR JOB!!

Wow! Resigned! Good for you!
I can understand your fears, but you just did a courageous thing in pursuit of your true self and happiness and I hope you can settle in that at least a little.

True courage is not the absence of fear—but the willingness to proceed in spite of it. --Unknown
Yvette,
I don't have 50 stories only one.
When I retired from coaching when I was 38 years old and entered law school I was making six figures and the majority of the people I knew thought it was a unwise decision ( they thought I was crazy). I decide to pursue my dreams. I have not regretted one single second of that decision. Congratulations for pursuing your dreams. You are going to soar.

Y,
[Leaving your Job]...that is an exciting change....many congratulations!!!!
taking a step up within ourselves is both exhillerating and a bit fearie hair-raising
the universe parts for those who crown themselves and take steps up to their own
glory!!!

Booking Inside and Out

Does anyone still use the verb "to book" anymore?

"Gotta Book, Man."

In the 80s (probably earlier) that phrase meant going someplace fast. Well this weekend, and today by extention, I went a lot of places, really fast. Here are just a few examples:

~~~~~~~~~~

A Book to Inner-Book about for a BookWorm:
I have been asked to come up with "personal development goals" for 2007. What, like besides being a professional student? I mean, I LOVE LEARNING....so much that I tend to get obsessive and addictive about immersing myself...just as I do about just about everything, eh?

So over the course of the day, in between other work I came up with no fewer than 8 or 10 directions I could go in for developing. ZOOM! And agonizing choices await me: Which one, which one!?! (Or ones, if I have the stamina) Conferences, Skills, Ideas, Knowledge...or maybe just reading a book, like Influencing With Integrity (IWI). Weird Title. Slightly Offputting for an unidentifiable reason. Perhaps "Influencing" is a turnoff (though that shouldn't be an issue for a student of The Social Animal by Elliot Aronson). Perhaps "Integrity" (Do I want to know what that means? What if I don't have it?).

Resisting usually indicates to me something that I "should" do...something I will enjoy if only I can start! So, as a part of my goal to do some research on "personal development goals" I cracked open IWI and started reading. Three forewards. Interesting. Chapter 1 made me cry. WOW. So I'm at page 17 and I'm a convert. The author herself told me not to read it cover to cover, so I'm honoring that as simply recognizing the distance between a FREE book on my shelf for months with a stigma of "Don't touch it - it's EeeeVil!" attached and a book I intend to bookmark as I get to each stopping point, take home, and (if necessary, but it won't be) FORCE my husband to read in tandem with me, for ongoing disussion.

Booking, indeed.

~~~~~~~~~~

I Booked through a painful weekend with this Book:
I HIGHLY recommend The Grand Ellipse by Paula Volsky to readers who need a book for vacation. Be ready to handle a gripping story about wonderful characters competing to travel a fictional world that looks like the Industrial Revolution with Magic.

It took me a weekend, on and off. It has chapters which are just the right length for stopping, going on a hike, and picking up where you left off. Caution: to really appreciate the horror and happiness of the sappy ending, read in private, not on the airplane on the way home, with a 10 year old next to you.

Beautiful descriptions, harrowing adventures, underhanded misdeeds by complete Black Hats and a highly probable love-triangle. When you really need your Good Guys to be GOOD, your Bad Guys to be BAD, the hero to win the heroine in the end, and a happy ending unmarred by unbelievable perfection...Read this book!

First Time - Draft 2

I left the post-it on his desk because I couldn't end the day without making sure Jack knew he was wrong: JP call EB.

This morning, Jack sat across the table in the small conference room and said, "I will not, Evan. They refuse to participate."
"What...?"
"They refuse to participate. So. I have respect for the hierarchical structure of this organization. I have informed my manager and it is his problem now. The organization's problem - Not Mine."
"Did they give a reason why?"
"I don't care why."

I couldn't look him in the eye. The issue I had stumbled across was a hot one. I tried again and again to elicit a clear picture of the conflict from his information. Even after an hour all I could see was a gaping hole where the "big picture" of the situation should be.

Like a black cloud, it hovered above and to the right of his close-cropped hairline. Beyond a shoulder that leaned hard, aggressively nonchalant on the arm of a blue chair.

"I'm not upset!" he said again, raising his voice. "I also don't care why and I won't do anything about it until I'm asked. Until then, I don't know there is a problem." One of many conflicts in our organization; Dogging him, and like a stray mutt, just as pointedly ignored.

I hate recognizing it when he acts like a five year old. I feel compelled to cover his ass.

So I spent my workday in someone else's problem. Not Jack's problem, not mine: a problem that should have been confronted by the whole organization...but was instead being tossed over cubicle half-walls like a hot potato.

A conflict averse work environment with no management leadership. A fun place to work. Places like this one need lubricant in the form of neutral third parties, troublemakers...HR managers. The organizational caretakers and problem solvers of the world who are powerfully motivated to solve heated and divisive problems. Not necessarily urgent ones: the ones all about communication and personalities and styles of interaction.

As HR Managers go, I am good at my job. I challenged, asked questions, developed a plan of action. I used individual discussions with each personality to understand the whole picture. I spoke with everyone struggling busily to avoid solving the problem.

Suddenly, after 6PM, my own yellow sticky note was in front of my face. Between me and my monitor, I saw my own scrawl stuck to Jack's clean hand. Polished, even nails confronted me at the end of an arm, covered by the softest brushed cotton twill.

He walks up silently, but I never jump anymore. Every part of his body invades the typical, American "personal space." Jack knows he is mandated to keep the distance clear, and he is reminded in a painful waste of two productive hours, every two years, at the Sexual Harassment Prevention course. Maybe I should make him go annually.

"Is it brief? I want to go home," he said while draping himself, quite at ease, in my guest chair. I turned a few pages in a nearby notebook, then swiveled to face him.

"You're wrong," I said, knowing I was safe. "I want you to be successful, and I can't take it when you are, instead, being a complete ass. Change your attitude. I spoke with everyone individually today and the only person with a problem is you. Come back Monday with that problem fixed. Because you're my hero, and I can't stand it when you're wrong."

"Allright. That's fine," came from a tired Jack. He stood up to go, but only moved a foot away. He picked up a magazine from the cubicle next to mine, and stood, looking down at a picture of a famous actress. Well, once famous, then an obesity poster child, now a slim sexpot of a woman again.

"Amazing," he said. And then stood there. With that invitation, I got up to stand next to him. He wanted me to look at the picture I had already noticed returning to my desk a half hour before. I couldn't see the picture this time.

-Comment-
All I could see was the rough stubble across his face at the end of such a long day. Striking on someone meticulously clean shaven each morning.

-Response-
I realized that he smelled fantastic, and I took a deep breath, staring down at a Cover Girl but seeing Jack's chin, neck...an open collar.

-See you Monday-
My strong urge to rub a hand, a cheek, a chest, a groin...across that abrasive surface was overwhelming...and stifled immediately.

I returned to my chair, feeling pumped with the ache of arousal and weak with the cold of imagined betrayal. Emotionally unfaithful for the first time.

Password, Please.

I have been off blog for 30 days. No withdrawal pains...just off. Today I need to rant though because again, the place I work makes me CRAZY and I have thought about 564 times in the past hour, "Why do I work here...?"

There a quite a few answers, and they are acceptable for now: I like Security. I like Feeling Needed. I like Being The Underdog. I like The Idea That I "See Things" Others Do Not. I like The Idea That Communication Problems Can be Fixed. I like The Idea That Working Relationships Are Possible. I like the Moral High Ground of Being Seen As The Good Guy.

I have to go back to work now...I need to think later what this all means...what is it all about...? How does it fit into my vision of myself and my goals for the future.

You know, nothing BIG....And I'll be back soon to talk about the "Nothing Big." And this time, if I do it soon enough, it won't take me eternal seconds of brain processor power to remember the password.