Version Control

Here are the two versions of the same story. The first one is as I wrote it, by hand, looking at the image:

The second is what I tried to reconstruct from memory. Now I can think about where the *ideal* story falls - maybe someplace in between these two....

Which do YOU like better?

Original Story, Gypsy Bride For The Book Of Possibilities:

He knew nothing was impossible when he found the four-leaf clover outside the fortuneteller’s wagon. True, his jaw ached from the hard left-hook he had taken across the mouth from the young Gypsy man standing over him, shouting...But among the crushed turf where he had landed stood the talisman of natural luck; Strong and unscathed from his fall.

The yelling of her angry brother, and the footfalls of every gypsy in the camp were silenced as he picked the clover carefully, stood up in the circle of violence, and brandished the little plant: “May I marry her now?”

As Remembered, For The Book Of Possibilities:

 He knew nothing was impossible when he saw the four-leaf clover in front of the gypsy fortune teller’s caravan. His jaw hurt where the left-hook had landed. Despite the grass crushed by his fall, the little plant stood tall and unscathed.

Her brother stood above, taunting and cursing him furiously. The ground he lay on pounded with the footsteps of every gypsy in the camp running toward the shouting. Silence fell when he plucked the clover, stood up in the circle of violence, brandished the small green talisman and cried, “May I marry her now!?”

Differences: